Where Oprah can stick her Kindle.

Every time I go to Amazon to look up a book or find a gift, I have to look at the ads for the Kindle on the home page. Which is moderately annoying. I don't want a Kindle, I have no interest in a Kindle, stop showing me the Kindle!

Well, now they've ramped up the annoyance factor; here's the new first line of the Kindle ad:

"This summer, Oprah received a gift that she says changed her life. 'I'm telling you, it is absolutely my new favorite thing in the world,' she says."

Really, Oprah? Don't you mean it's absolutely your new favorite thing for ten minutes, until the next company comes along and asks you to push its new car, its $500 jeans, its latest wacko New Age religion?

And why do I suspect that Oprah received that life-changing gift from Amazon, and not from one of her BFFs? (Assuming she has any besides Gayle and Stedman the beard.)

It all makes sense, really--Oprah exists to sell American women useless things they don't need, and there could be nothing more useless than the Kindle. I already own too many things that constantly have to be recharged or renewed with fresh batteries. Sitting down with a book or a mag made out of paper is actually a refreshing change--I don't have to make sure it's charged, I can read it in the bathtub, and if the zombie war ever happens, I'll still be able to read my books when the power grid goes down.

The other nice thing about the zombie war will be that Oprah will either be holed up in her bunker or torn limb from limb by a zombie audience and I'll never have to hear of her again.