Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Where Oprah can stick her Kindle.


Every time I go to Amazon to look up a book or find a gift, I have to look at the ads for the Kindle on the home page. Which is moderately annoying. I don't want a Kindle, I have no interest in a Kindle, stop showing me the Kindle!

Well, now they've ramped up the annoyance factor; here's the new first line of the Kindle ad:

"This summer, Oprah received a gift that she says changed her life. 'I'm telling you, it is
absolutely my new favorite thing in the world,' she says."

Really, Oprah? Don't you mean it's absolutely your new favorite thing for ten minutes, until the next company comes along and asks you to push its new car, its $500 jeans, its latest wacko New Age religion?

And why do I suspect that Oprah received that life-changing gift from Amazon, and not from one of her BFFs? (Assuming she has any besides Gayle and Stedman the beard.)

It all makes sense, really--Oprah exists to sell American women useless things they don't need, and there could be nothing more useless than the Kindle. I already own too many things that constantly have to be recharged or renewed with fresh batteries. Sitting down with a book or a mag made out of paper is actually a refreshing change--I don't have to make sure it's charged, I can read it in the bathtub, and if the zombie war ever happens, I'll still be able to read my books when the power grid goes down.

The other nice thing about the zombie war will be that Oprah will either be holed up in her bunker or torn limb from limb by a zombie audience and I'll never have to hear of her again.

7 comments:

Jamie said...

LOL! Oprah about had me convinced I needed one. (Or maybe it was the $50 coupon... I'll buy anything if it has a coupon.) I went to the Amazon site and read about 20 reviews (I read only the reviews with 3 stars... middle of the road opinions!). The Kindle users are the ones who convinced me I didn't need one after all. If they ever go down to $100 or less, I'll probably bite. But anything more than that... nah. Besides, I've got enough reading material on my nightstand to last me 'til the Zombie War.

Cheryl said...

Oh, Janelle! I just love you! Your sarcasm and wit are beacons of hope in a sea of stupidity. Just. love. you.

I'm hoping that Oprah gets taken out by zombies too. As you know, she bugs me.

Mimi said...

Steadman the beard, bwahahahahahahahaha.

Anyway, I have no desire.

beverlyd said...

I'm saddened that someday there will be no actual paperback books left -- all replaced by "life-like" and "real paper like" e-books and gizmos to read those e-books... :(

Amy said...

I totally agree! I am so annoyed at going to Amazon's website and being shown it! I didn't know Oprah endorsed it - but I'm glad she loves it (as much as she loved the Jergen's skin tanner a couple of years ago - WHY does Oprah need to endorse a skin tanner is beyond me! :p)

Beth said...

Amen, sister, Amen!! I love my well worn books. Besides, I can't use my awesome altered bookmarks on a Kindle!

I have learned to steer well clear of anything Oprah pushes. And I actually thought I was the only one that felt that way. I'm just wondering when her star will start fading.

stephaniemiller@hughes.net said...

OMG! I was checking out your blog from where you posted it on 2peas for pics of your holiday album (Which, I love by the way!!) and I saw this post and am still giggling! Oprah makes me gag.

Thanks for the laugh!