Monday, June 11, 2007
I don't know why, but every couple weeks I just ITCH. All over, but especially on my face. It's not a rash, it's just a general feeling of being itchy and uncomfortable in my skin.
I was sitting here rubbing at my itchy face just now, thinking how it fits perfectly with my mood this afternoon. We have to go to dinner at some friends' house, a farewell dinner for another friend, and I don't feel friendly toward ANY of these people and I don't wanna go!
I don't talk about people I know in real life on this blog very much, and I definitely don't say negative stuff about anyone I know here, but today's the first day I've ever been tempted. I know I'm a bad friend, I don't put forth much effort even with people I like, but why do I have to put forth effort for people I only know through my husband's job, a job he doesn't even have anymore? People I've socialized with sporadically but been irritated by every step of the way. And now they're in my life and I can't eradicate them. And I feel bad about myself for feeling this way about them. I want to be a fun person with dozens and dozens of friends, but instead I'm a crab who's crabbing about spending a couple hours with a few of the small handful of people I even know.
Then my depressive mind turns this mood into a recitation of everything that's wrong with me, and every failed or dissatisfactory relationship I've ever had...oh yeah. It's an itchy day. Hope my new shirt and some hoop earrings will perk me up for the evening ahead.