Friday, June 03, 2005

Cycling

Okay, day three of rain and I'm starting to get grumpy. Actually, I have been feeling that old depressive cycle start up again. It's so funny, when I'm at the top of the cycle I feel so good, being depressed feels like a thing of the past that will never happen again. Then the descent starts and it's, "Oh yeah...this again." The one good thing about it is that I can see now how the cycle works and that the bad feelings will go. All part of my efforts to avoid defining myself by my depression, to see that I am not my feelings, and the things my brain tells me are not always true.

Last night I was feeling sad because I think my days as a published scrapper are over. For a couple of reasons: the magazine calls for submissions have dried up to almost nothing, particularly from the Primedia mags (CK and SS) which incidentally are the only ones that pay reasonably. I checked out Scrap-Submit for the first time in a couple of months last night and there was almost NOTHING, even less than there was the last time I submitted to several calls. (With no luck, incidentally.)

Also, I think my style has remained more-or-less the same, while the scrapping industry's style has moved far, far beyond me. I have a simple mind that thinks of simple things...not a desirable look anymore. I am generally satisfied with my talent--until I see what other people can dream up in their amazingly fertile minds. LOL.

I keep making this decision to get over myself and scrap for my own enjoyment...the problem is that I don't really enjoy it too much anymore. Feels like a chore. Yet I feel like I can't take a break or I will get even further behind and also not be able to keep up with trends lest I decide to jump back in and submit again down the road. Ridiculous!

Ah well, there are far worse problems to have. This is the time to be nice to myself, and take myself in hand to get through the low part of the mood cycle, however long it might last. It's like preparing yourself for a journey and packing the provisions you will need--in this case, a sense of humor and perspective, patience, and kindness/gentleness towards myself.

Now. Let's get this day over with. LOL.

2 comments:

Ashley said...

Sounds like you are definitely in a scrapping slump. Maybe it is time for a break to re-charge.. try out a new project? alter something? Concentrate on a big project or work on an old hobby for a bit. I know when I'm starting to feel down if I take a little break inspiration will strike in the most unlikely time and place and then I can come back to my scraps feeling re-charged and energetic :)


Ashley.

chris said...

sorry to hear - i agree with Ashley - there is nothing like trying something new that you have never done before to get those inspiration juices flowing