Wednesday morning update

Yesterday we were able to find out the results of a spinal tap Dad had on Monday. The white blood cell count in his spinal fluid is up a little--not a lot, but enough to be a flag. The oncologist said this could indicate lymphoma. He thought he would have more information for us later in the day from some of the other tests, but though we waited all day, nothing had come through by the end of the day. This was very hard.

Mom and I are heading out this morning and meeting with the oncologist at 9 AM. I'm not expecting that he'll have much more to tell us, but we are expecting to be able to bring Dad home today. It seems like the tests are pretty much done, and now it's just waiting for the information to slowly--so slowly--trickle in. Then we can go on from there.

Again, we are just surrounded with angels in human form who are helping us in every way that they can. We are so grateful.

Update on Dad.

Dad was life-flighted to Aultman Hospital in Canton last Wednesday afternoon, with what appeared to be bleeding in his brain. The next day we were told that he has a mass in his brain. That feels like five weeks ago instead of five days ago.

As of Monday morning, this is where we stand. The doctors are frankly puzzled. The mass in Dad's brain is not presenting like a typical tumor. It's in a spot that's too dangerous even to biopsy. So on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, Dad's been having a series of MRIs and MRAs to try to find places elsewhere in his body that can be biopsied--cancer in other spots. A few odd spots have turned up, but nothing that's even large enough to biopsy, and as far as I can tell, nothing that appears to be cancerous.

Yesterday afternoon we met with the oncologist. He is going to send Dad's scans to a top neurosurgeon at Duke University to see what he thinks. It was a little discouraging, because that was really the only option he presented at this point. I think Dad has them stumped.

None of the doctors has said the word "cancer" yet. They are still not 100% positive that that's what it is. They've also found that there is no bleeding in Dad's brain. With every new tidbit of information, we don't know whether to feel hopeful or more fearful.

Dad is ready to get out of the hospital and come home. He's hanging on, but he's having a very hard time staying patient and keeping it together. Honestly, we all are.

Dad is getting excellent care from the nurses and doctors at Aultmen, and we have all been just blanketed with love and help from our extended family and our friends. I have felt literally surrounded with prayers and it is helping me to cope. I feel completely inadequate to deal with this situation and to provide the right help to my parents...but I can feel myself being held up by invisible arms. Please, keep praying.

Mom is doing okay, my sister and brother are doing okay. We've fallen apart a few times, but we are doing okay. Please hold us all in your prayers, and also my brother-in-law and my niece and nephew, my sister-in-law and my two nieces, and Todd. Thank you all so much.

Stitchery.

I did a little digging around in the closet today and unearthed these fairy cross-stitch pieces. I stitched them when we were living in Idaho, which makes them at least 15 years old. I was more into cutesy designs back then, but after I stitched them and found them frames, they just hung out in various closets.


I had a brainwave a few months ago, realizing that my nieces Natalie and Marissa have a fairy-themed bedroom now, and hmm...that might be my chance to unload these little darlings! How perfect. We're going to see them tomorrow for Marissa's birthday and the fairies are coming along.

It's so odd to pick up an old piece that was stitched ages ago and think about what my life was like when I did it. Back then I never dreamed I would have such riches in my life--not just two nieces, but six nieces! And two nephews!

This is a piece I stitched late last year. (It needs to be re-ironed and framed better, but oh well.) Todd and I were in an antique mall in northern VA in the fall, and they had a darling cross-stitched sampler in the women's bathroom. But it was $12.00, and it was sloppily done on a very rough-weave cloth.


I've never done anything like this before, but I took a picture of it with my cell phone, and printed it out when I got home. It kind of felt like stealing, but I don't think it was...was it? The design was simple enough that it was easy to copy from the printout, and of course I did it neatly, and on a nice linen cloth. Now I just need to get it hung up.

So it's been four months since I blogged, my longest hiatus ever. It's been interesting to check in with myself every so often and see if there was anything I felt like communicating to the world at large. Every time I checked, the answer was, "Nah."

A fluctuating depression problem has contributed to that, but mostly I've just been absorbed in other things. I started Weight Watchers in February, but weight loss is not something I find interesting to talk about. Neither is depression, for that matter. I've been taking walks, and listening to books on CD. I walked a 5K in May, which was my first exposure to communal exercise since high school. It was fun.

I got to the bottom (no pun intended) of the abdominal pain I was having in January and February by having a colonoscopy in April. By that time, most of the pain had subsided, and the procedure showed that I have diverticulosis, which is no big deal. It was a relief to know that nothing serious was wrong. I've been taking a probiotic supplement, and that, along with a better diet, seems to have helped a lot.

I've done some stitching, a little cross-stitch--the first I've done in years--and a little embroidery. I spent a week at home in Ohio in May, hanging out with my parents and other family, which was really great. Time with loved ones feels like such a luxury when you spend your life so far away.

I even got some scrapbooking done--went down to Beach Scrapbooks in Virginia Beach and took advantage of a couple of their day-long crops. That was in March and April, and I'm dying to get some more done. I never dreamed I'd be a traveling scrapper--I always hated packing up for crops--but at this stage of my life, it seems to be the best option.

We're into our horrific hot humid (HHH) summer weather now, so I'm trying to think of more indoor projects to tide me over till fall when I can emerge into the outdoors again. Might be time to clean out under the bathroom sinks, or wash all the curtains, or create a complex shelving system for my books or something. Who knows what mischief I can find this summer?

Small pleasures.

Late winter is a time of small pleasures. When it's cold and gray and (depending on where you live) snowy, and maybe you're not leaving the house as much, and not being as active as you are in the spring, summer and fall, it's a good time to notice little things that can make you smile or give you a pleased sensation, which is what you hang onto to get you through till spring. (Whew, that was a long sentence.)

Here are a few of my small pleasures right now:

--Gain HE detergent--in lavender! I love Gain, but they've only ever made their high-efficiency detergent in the original scent. Which is nice, but sometimes you long for a new smell. I was so happy to find a lavender scent at Wal-Mart the other day (it almost made going to Wal-Mart feel worthwhile!) Plus, they have a lavender fabric softener. My sheets are tumbling in the dryer right now and giving off a wonderful aroma.

--Craig Ferguson. I've seen lots of clips of "The Late Late Show" on Youtube and CBS.com, and I read Craig's memoir a few months ago, so I've been a casual fan for a while. I've been up late a lot of nights this past month with stomach pain and general anxiety-based insomnia, and so I've gotten to see Craig in real time. And I love this guy. He is ridiculous and goofy, but somehow that goes down better at 1:00 in the morning. And his interviews are a delight. He is really interested in everyone who comes on the show and always manages to make them come off as funny and interesting. And that accent! Love him.

--"Talking" greeting cards. I don't buy greeting cards with those audio chips in them very often, but every now and then I find one that's perfect. I was shopping for Valentine's cards for my nephews and nieces the other day, and I found the perfect one for my 13-year-old nephew. The front says "This little card isn't meant to embarrass you..." and then when you open it this very high-pitched woman's voice shrieks, "Hi, honey! Hi! Guess who wuvs you? I do!" It makes me laugh every time I open it, and it makes me laugh when I picture Tanner's face when he'll open it. I highly recommend this card if you have a teenage boy.

--Sharpie pens. More accurately: Sharpie / Pen. They're bleed-proof permanent pens with a clickie top. I picked them up at Walgreens and they are the black pen I've always dreamed of! Yes, I dream of pens. Don't judge me.

--Ella and Louis. I mean, Ella and Louis. In my continuing quest to become a senior citizen before my time, I've really gotten into jazz/swing/big band music. Pandora is invaluable for stepping outside your musical rut, because it's a great way to hear a lot of an unfamiliar genre without having to buy a bunch of albums. And then if you hear something you love, then you can track it to Amazon and snatch it up. I was cleaning out the fridge a couple weeks ago and listening to my "Bing Crosby" station on Pandora, which pulls up tons of other stuff beyond Bing, and "Isn't This a Lovely Day?" came on, and I literally stopped what I was doing to listen. I had to buy the CD because this track is not available as an mp3, so I used the Amazon gift card my parents gave me for Christmas. What a great purchase.

What are your small pleasures this winter?

What's wrong with aging gracefully?

I have a morbid fascination with celebrity plastic surgery. Whenever we see an older celeb on TV or in the movies, I'm always searching their faces, looking for the signs. Usually you don't have to look too far--sometimes it slaps you right in your own face. I've never gotten over whatever it was that Steve Martin did to his wonderful eyes ten or twelve years ago; they're a good inch farther apart than they used to be.

Several months ago we went to see a very good movie called "Easy A" which starred young Emma Stone, who is a favorite of ours, and which also starred the not-so-young Patricia Clarkson (age 51) and Lisa Kudrow (age 47.) In all of Clarkson's and Kudrow's scenes, I kept staring at their faces and marveling at how natural and wonderful they each looked.

They each have some wrinkles, but it works for them. They don't have weird cheekbones, their eyes aren't too far apart. Clarkson in particular just glowed on-screen, and I understand they have make-up and lighting people to make them look good, but her face still looks natural.

I think both ladies looked even better to me because we had just sat through a preview for the movie "Burlesque," starring Cher, whom I hadn't seen on-screen in quite a long time.


To be fair to Cher, she is 64 years old, older than Kudrow and Clarkson. And when you find a picture of her where she's holding her face still, she can almost look normal--not 64 years old, but not quite a circus freak yet. But watching her try to move her mouth and talk through all that filler in her face was frankly horrifying.

All this came back into my memory tonight when I was watching this show on PBS called "Pioneers of Television." I've only managed to catch a couple episodes of this, but they take a TV genre and go back and look at some of the key shows and interview whatever stars they can find who are still alive and relatively coherent. It's fun and nostalgic.

Tonight the topic was crime dramas, and there were three women who were interviewed for this show who made me wonder all over again how it is that we've bought into this belief that loads of plastic surgery are the only way we can hang onto the illusion of youth--and that youth is an illusion worth hanging onto in the first place.


Barbara Bain was drop-dead gorgeous 40 years ago, playing a covert agent on "Mission: Impossible." Now she's 81 years old, and I think she still looks terrific.

My mom always used to tease my dad about Angie Dickinson--apparently he had a little crush on her when she was on "Policewoman" back in the 70s. She was beautiful then:

And I think she's held up pretty darn well for someone pushing 80:

And then there was Stefanie Powers, who starred in a goofy little show called "The Girl from UNCLE" in the mid-60's and also in "Hart to Hart" in the 80's.


She's almost 70 now and still looks amazing:

It's not that I believe none of these women have had plastic surgery. We're talking Hollywood here--I think they give you an open-ended coupon for one free procedure when you get your SAG card. In the cheekbone areas, especially, I wouldn't be surprised if all three of them have had work. But it's unobtrusive. It enhances rather than distracts. And most importantly, they left some sags and wrinkles and folds, instead of just polishing their whole face to a smooth flat surface like...well...

I also don't think plastic surgery has been kind to Meg Ryan (age 49):

Or Priscilla Presley (age 65):

To quote Helena Bonham Carter (age 44 and un-plastic surgeried): "You have two choices. You can have the work done and look weirder, or have nothing done and look older. I think the only way I’ll continue to get work is if I don’t get anything done…I can still move all my face muscles! There aren’t many who can still do that."

I think I'd rather look old than weird. Ask me again in 20 years, and I may choose differently, but I think old is okay. And there are so many beautiful older women! They're older, they own it, and their faces are still beautiful. I love being able to see a person's life in their face, not their surgeries.

Checking in.

Can I just say that I am ready for January to be OVER. And for February to be BETTER.

I have been "not myself" this month. First off was the previously mentioned broken toe, then a bout with diverticulitis, which is an infection of the bowel, which required some heavy-duty antibiotics, which made me feel lousy on top of the pain and general lousiness of the infection. And then back pain, which was diagnosed as a problem with my sacroiliac joint, and then more stomach pain, which put me back on antibiotics and then in for a CT scan this week which didn't really help with anything.

I am scheduled for an appointment with a GI doctor in a few weeks, but right now my theory is that it's the antibiotics that are causing this lingering stomach pain. So I am waiting for those to leave my system and then we'll see how the tummy feels. I'm really hoping for an improvement soon.

This has all been very frustrating because I am a naturally anxious person, and being sick and having pain makes me feel even more anxious. Which makes it hard for me to sleep. So throw in a bunch of messed-up sleepless nights and the fact that it's cold and the sun isn't shining and I haven't felt much like doing anything beyond the basics of keeping the household running and my stomach hurts, which makes me feel worried, which makes my stomach hurt even more...urgh. I really, really hate it, and certainly haven't felt like blogging about it. This has been one of my more miserable months of recent memory.

I'm trying right now to get my life back on track, focus on things other than my stomach, eat what I need to be eating, get some fresh air and exercise, and just generally try to work my way out of this web of anxiety and aggravation into a more positive feeling, which will hopefully in turn help my stomach feel better, too. I don't like to whine on my blog, but this month has been really not fun. Any good thoughts you can spare, I could use them!

Normal.

I do love that first "normal" day after the holidays are over, when life settles back down into its routine. We've had a little bit of weirdness to go along with the holiday whirl, too. Our "new" car went into the shop on the 22nd to have some things worked on (nothing unexpected--we'd planned for the maintenance work to be done.) We took the other car home to Ohio on the 23rd and stayed there till the 27th. Had a really, really nice Christmas. Just very laid-back and enjoyable.

We came home to about eight inches of snow that had fallen while we were gone (VERY unusual for this area) so there was some shoveling that had to be done, and Todd got two unexpected days off work as NASA closed for the weather.

Our car still wasn't done, so I hung out on Tuesday and Wednesday, getting Christmas presents put away, cleaning and (insert ominous music here) doing laundry. It was while bringing my last load of laundry downstairs on Wednesday afternoon that I slipped and fell at the bottom of the stairs, jamming my foot under the open front door and re-breaking my left middle toe that I broke on a dresser leg in the wee hours several years ago.

On Thursday morning Todd woke up with a major recurrence of the eye pain that had been bothering him off and on for the past week. He went to the optometrist that afternoon, who sent him straight to the ophthalmologist, informing him that he had a torn cornea in his left eye. The ophthalmologist also informed him that his right cornea was badly abraded and that it would have been just a matter of time before that one was torn, too. She said his corneas looked like knees when you fall and scrape and tear them up on a sidewalk.

We're not quite sure what caused the tearing--the assumption is that it's a combination of dry heat and dry cold weather, plus his contact lenses (which allowed the abrasions to heal and then re-tear when he took them out and went to sleep) and maybe also his blood pressure medicine which is diuretic and may be drying out his poor eyeballs.

So the past few days have been very focused on getting the proper drops into Todd's eyes at frequent intervals. My toe has been buddy-taped to the toe next to it, and I have been alternately limping around and sitting with my foot up on pillows.

My brother and his family came on Friday for New Year's and we had a great time with them, with eye drops and limping mixed in just for fun. Oh, and I finally got my car back on Friday. Saturday and Sunday we hung out, played games, ate garbage, and just relaxed. Well, the grown-ups relaxed...my nieces are very much into playing "kitten and puppy," which is just as energetic and full of scratches and rough-housing (and crying when the scratching and rough-housing reaches its inevitable conclusion) as it sounds.

I'm still not at full walking capacity yet, but Todd's eye is healing beautifully, although his days of wearing contact lenses may be over, at least for a while. Today Todd is back at work, and I'm back into my routine, too, with time taken out for the occasional foot-raising on pillows, with an Advil chaser.

We had a great, if short, time at home--spent Christmas Eve with Todd's parents, Christmas Day with my family, and Boxing Day with my extended family. Monday we drove home, curious to see how much snow our house was blanketed in, since it had snowed all day Sunday along the East Coast. A little of it had melted by the time we got home, but there was still 6 or 8 inches left. Todd ended up with an extra day off, because NASA was closed Monday and Tuesday, so today he headed back to work and I started tackling the mountain of laundry that always seems to come from trips away, no matter how short they are.

The last three pages of my 2010 Christmas journal:

Ho ho ho!

We're heading for Ohio today...hoping for safe travels and no bad weather. Since my ability and time for Internet is usually limited when I'm up there, I'll say it now: Merry Christmas to all!

The Christmas journal entry for the 20th is always about unexpected surprises, and I got a great one yesterday. Living in my little oblivious bubble, I didn't find out till yesterday morning that there was going to be a lunar eclipse last night. I drank some extra tea so I could stay awake and see it.

It was so cold out, I had to pop in and out through the whole thing, staying out for a few minutes, then going back in for ten or fifteen minutes, then running back out. I used Todd's binoculars, which definitely improved the experience, but I was wishing for a telescope, too!

The moon didn't turn as red in totality here as it did elsewhere in the world--I guess we don't have as much air pollution here, or volcanic ash, either, which I'd heard was also going to affect the color. To the naked eye, the moon looked brownish-red; with the binoculars, it looked gray with a pale turquoise edge. Just beautiful.

[The photo is not mine, it came from the NASA slideshow of the eclipse with pictures from all over the world.)

More snow!

We're in the midst of a snowstorm this morning--the first I've ever seen in December in this area. We're supposed to get 3-5 inches of snow, which is almost unheard of. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and warmer, so we'll see how long this white stuff sticks around. It certainly is pretty. I love watching the snow fall, and it happens so seldom here, it really is a treat.

Todd's office is shutting down at noon so he'll be home soon. And I'm doing some laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and working on a few projects, including today's journal entry. Seems like a good day to stay warm inside and count your blessings.

Brrrrrrr.

Oh my gravy, is it cold here. I know it's nothing compared to the northern climes, but 30 degrees and a 25-mph wind is plenty cold for me! I went out shopping for hours yesterday (it was in the 20s yesterday) and got blown all over every parking lot in town. I also had to chase down a cart that blew out of the cart corral not once but twice before I just parked it on one of those mulched curbs with the little bushes.

I'm 95% done with my holiday shopping, just a few odds and ends left. But today I'm staying inside and keeping warm with other chores!

Today's journal entry is about holiday visiting, plus a random picture I didn't know what else to do with...

Snowy snow.

We're actually getting a bit of snow here this morning, the tail end, I suppose, of what's been blowing through the Midwest this past weekend. It's very pretty but it's derailed my Christmas and grocery shopping plans for today. I'm paranoid about going out in any kind of bad weather right now, because we've had two collisions in two months and I don't want to tempt fate and have Allstate drop us like a hot potato!

Have I written about our collisions? Todd rear-ended someone on his way to work at the beginning of October while driving my car...and then rear-ended someone two weeks ago on his way to work while driving his car. My car was fixable, his was not. We spent about a week looking for a "new" (used) car and trying to figure out which of our cars we should try to replace: the primary (better) car that I drive or the secondary (worse) car that he drives? Usually when we replace a car, we replace the primary car, and the once-primary car moves to secondary status, and that's what we decided to do this time, too.

We found a 2002 VW Passat wagon a week ago for me to drive. We weren't planning to buy another VW (our other car is also a VW Passat wagon) but nothing we drove felt as solid and well-constructed as our Passat. So we just got another one.

All that is my long-winded way of saying that if the roads are the slightest bit hinky, I'm not going to be on them unless it's a life or death situation. Which so far it's not, although I may end up starving to death if I don't get some groceries soon!

My journal entry for today: